Throughout our lives, we form numerous relationships that differ in intensity. While some relationships endure, others fade away. Certain relationships greatly enhance our happiness, while others leave lasting emotional marks.
The one relationship that holds the utmost influence over our lives and supersedes all others is our relationship with ourselves. This eternal and inherently significant bond holds immense value.
However, how many of us can claim to have a healthy relationship with ourselves? We dedicate significant love and effort to our other intimate relationships, while neglecting the love we should give ourselves.
Let’s improve our ways now. Let’s acquire knowledge on how to cultivate a satisfying and nourishing bond with the individual who will constantly be by our side.
What is a self-relationship
Put simply, a self-relationship is precisely what it sounds like – a relationship that individuals have with themselves.
According to Kate O’Brien, a licensed therapist in New York specializing in codependency, grief, and emotional trauma, it involves your self-perception, self-care, and choices.
Our self-image affects how we perceive, comprehend, communicate with, and react to ourselves and our desires. It determines our feelings toward every aspect of ourselves – our physical appearances, emotions, mental states, and actions. Moreover, it determines how we handle these aspects, whether we provide them with assistance, affection, motivation, and empathy or criticize and despise them.
Tips for a healthy relationship with yourself
1. Talk to yourself like a friend
If we were to truly become a friend to ourselves, half of the problem would be resolved. Unfortunately, this is not an easy task. It is possible that we cannot currently consider ourselves as our best friend, but we can establish a kind and supportive friendship with ourselves, ensuring that we do not diminish our own worth.
If we wouldn’t dare to demoralize any friend, then we should also refrain from demoralizing ourselves. Instead of dwelling on our mistakes, let’s approach them as opportunities for growth, rectify them, and then move on. It’s important to avoid burdening ourselves with a constant reminder of our failures.
We should engage in a pleasant and encouraging internal dialogue.
Let’s refrain from associating our worth with certain ideas or objectives. Regardless of your current circumstances, you are already valuable as you are. While pursuing your goals in life, remember not to build your self-worth on external factors. Just like you believe your friends are deserving, regardless of their situations, so are you worthy.
2. Be compassionate to every part of you
Your heart should shower your body, mind, voice, journey, and life with abundant love, as these aspects collectively define who you truly are.
Our tendency to be overly critical of ourselves and focused on perfection can overshadow our appreciation for our positive qualities. It is important to strive for personal growth and improvement, but it should be driven by kindness and appreciation rather than dislike and negativity.
It is important to prioritize and appreciate the value of your life and who you currently are. While we all have aspirations and desires for achievement, the most crucial aspect is recognizing that you have grown into a considerably wiser individual compared to your previous self.
It is important to accept certain things as they are, especially our body. Unfortunately, many of us dedicate a great deal of negativity towards something that sustains our lives. All of our abilities and accomplishments are made possible by our bodies. Shouldn’t that be the aspect we are most thankful for?
When thinking systematically, refrain from comparing yourself to others as it will only intensify your self-doubt. Instead, seek inspiration and learn from others’ best practices, but avoid harshly criticizing yourself for not being someone else.
3. Make room for yourself
Are you among the people who prioritize others’ needs over their own, suppress their opinions, create room to accommodate others, and feel apprehensive about severing relationships that clearly should be ended?
Consider the following: it is commendable to contemplate engaging in acts of kindness for others, as the world would greatly benefit from individuals who demonstrate concern. However, this should not be done at the expense of disregarding one’s own well-being. It is crucial to establish clear boundaries and assert them when they are challenged. Many instances in my life that I regret can be traced back to instances when I chose not to express my thoughts and feelings.
When you encounter situations that seem suspicious or make you feel uneasy, express your concerns. If you realize that a situation will only deteriorate, remove yourself from it. Pay attention to how and where you allocate your energy.
If you require assistance, don’t hesitate to ask. If you were aware that offering help could be advantageous to someone important to you, you would definitely be supportive. Likewise, the people who care about you also wish to extend their support, so all you have to do is ask.
Create space to fully express your authentic self and disregard any negative judgments that may arise from embracing your true nature. Be brave in pursuing what truly holds significance for you. With only one life to live, let’s take ownership and make it uniquely ours.
4. Take steps to care for your well-being
engaging in self-care practices that promote your physical, mental, and emotional health.
- Eating healthy
- Regularly exercising
- Meditating
- Keeping a gratitude journal
- Maintaining empowering relationships
- Taking adequate rest and sleep
- Drinking enough water
- Spending time with nature
- Replacing negative thoughts with positive
5. Check-in with yourself
Take a moment to pause and assess your current emotions, attempting to identify and label what you are feeling. What is your emotional state? What thoughts are running through your mind?
O’Brien suggests that if you find it unfamiliar, you can begin by observing sensations in your body. A gradual way to observe these sensations could involve finding a texture that you enjoy touching and absorbing that sensation.
6. Validate all your feelings
Validating your feelings entails acknowledging and embracing your emotions, both pleasant and unpleasant, such as anger and shame, without any form of judgment.
Stephani Jahn, a licensed mental health counselor, explains that even the most challenging aspects of oneself, which lead to actions causing harm to oneself or others, are driven by genuine, deep human needs.
You can move towards self-understanding and self-collaboration to promote well-being when you acknowledge and validate the needs and feelings of your struggling inner parts, but also set boundaries to prevent potentially harmful actions.
By acknowledging your emotions and comprehending their underlying causes, you may be able to address the fundamental need connected to these undesirable feelings.
7. Remember that it’s OK to say “no”
Elspeth Robertson, a registered clinical counselor and professional art therapist in Vancouver, explains that having a strong relationship with oneself often involves declining activities that do not meet one’s needs and selecting alternative options.
If your friends invite you to go out every day after work and you’re feeling tired from work, it is acceptable to not immediately agree with their request; instead, take a moment to contemplate your time, energy levels, and interest in their plans, and subsequently determine whether or not you desire to go out.
It is acceptable to communicate if you need time to rest or if you would rather not be alone. It is important to prioritize your own needs first, as this can help you become a better friend in the future by avoiding feelings of resentment caused by unmet needs.
According to Robertson, it permits you to be fully present in your other relationships, establish limits for your time and energy, take care of your needs, and nurture self-acceptance.
8. Set boundaries
In order to have a strong self-relationship, it is important to advocate for oneself when necessary, which can be achieved by establishing precise and equitable limits with others.
Initially, it may feel uncomfortable to establish boundaries, particularly if you are unaccustomed to doing so. However, as time passes, this action will achieve two objectives: addressing your own needs and becoming more consistent to others. Ultimately, this will enable you to cultivate improved relationships with both yourself and others.
9. Remind yourself that it’s not ‘selfish’ to take care of yourself
If you have been ignoring your relationship with yourself, attempting to alter that now may seem self-centered. In certain cases, the way we were brought up by our parents has also trained us to prioritize the needs of others before our own.
According to Jahn, if you possess healthy self-relationships, the probability of engaging in selfish behavior decreases. This is because instead of venting your needs and issues onto others, you will have an improved capacity to resolve them internally and interpersonally through healthy means.
If your inner world is more harmonious, you will be better equipped to utilize your strongest attributes, like compassion, when interacting with others.
10. Try to think of positive affirmations about yourself each day
Engaging in self-affirmations may feel strange when it comes to complimenting oneself and talking about personal qualities one appreciates. However, by consistently directing attention towards these positive aspects daily, it can enhance both self-esteem and feelings of self-worth.
According to Nassour, it is suggested to make an effort to designate something you accomplished effectively or something that brings you pride each day. Consistently practising this will help your brain focus on your positive attributes rather than solely your shortcomings.
