11 Ways To Build And Preserve Better Boundaries

If your boundaries are more rigid, they may: – Be firm and inflexible – Be strict and unwavering – Be clearly defined and difficult to cross – Create a clear separation between you and others – Result in less flexibility and freedom in your interactions with others.

• keep others at a distance
• seem detached, even with intimate partners
• have few close relationships
• avoid close relationships

If you have less strict or flexible limits, you might:

• get too involved with others’ problems
• find it difficult to say “no” to others’ requests
• overshare personal information with others
• seek to please others for fear of rejection

If you possess healthy boundaries, you comprehend that expressing your expectations serves two purposes: outlining the behavior you will tolerate from others and outlining the behavior they can expect from you. In case you have healthy boundaries, you may:

• share personal information appropriately (not too much or not too little)
• understand your personal needs and wants and know how to communicate them
• value your own opinions
• accept when others tell you “no”

Depending on the scenario, most individuals possess a combination of boundaries. For instance, one may enforce stringent boundaries in the workplace but have more lenient ones while interacting with family and friends at home.

Different cultural boundaries exist, which may include varying opinions on sharing personal information. In certain cultures, it is believed to be completely inappropriate to share personal information, whereas in other cultures, sharing personal information is always encouraged.

Types of boundaries

In order to establish healthy boundaries in various situations, such as work, home, or socializing with friends, it is essential to comprehend the different types of boundaries, which amount to five.

• Physical. This refers to your personal space, your privacy, and your body. You might be someone who is comfortable with public displays of affection (hugs, kisses, and hand-holding), or you might be someone who prefers not to be touched in public.
• Sexual. These are your expectations concerning intimacy. Sexual comments and touches might be uncomfortable for you.
• Intellectual. These boundaries concern your thoughts and beliefs. Intellectual boundaries are not respected when someone dismisses another person’s ideas and opinions.
• Emotional. This refers to a person’s feelings. You might not feel comfortable sharing your feelings about everything with a friend or partner. Instead, you prefer to share gradually over time.
• Financial. This one, as you guessed, is all about money. If you like to save money — not spend it on trendy fashions — you might not want to loan money to a friend who does.

Make sure to consider each of your boundaries when you prepare to establish them.

Why are boundaries important

There are various situations where boundaries can have a different appearance depending on the individuals involved. It could involve asserting oneself among friends or expressing opinions in a professional setting. The significance of boundaries arises due to these reasons.

• Protect your mental health and values: Tracy Hutchinson, a licensed mental health counselor who holds a Ph.D, says setting boundaries is key to protecting your mental health in your relationships. When boundaries are pushed, she says it can lead to “feelings of confusion, anxiety or feeling drained,” and even a feeling of being violated. When you set boundaries, you honor your mental well-being.
• Helps you maintain healthy relationships: Beyond protecting your mental health, setting boundaries in personal and professional relationships keeps them balanced, respectful and healthy. In intimate relationships, couples who check in regularly and express their needs experience more satisfaction than those who don’t. In professional relationships, setting boundaries can maintain a level of respect in the workplace while also giving you a work-life balance.
• Ensures you’re treated with respect: If you continuously fail to set boundaries, you run the risk of setting the precedent that people can walk all over you. Research describes how we can examine our own assertiveness in various aspects of life which includes asking for what you need, conceding wisely, saying no and listening.
• Helps you avoid burnout: Failing to set boundaries, whether personally or professionally, can actually lead to feelings of burnout. These feelings of overwhelming stress can result from working too much or bending over backward for friends and family. Studies show that burnout can lead to deeper feelings of anxiety, but setting boundaries can stop this from happening.

If you are unsure about how to create boundaries or enforce them effectively, we have compiled a list of the top strategies to consider.

1. Reflect on the reasons for your boundaries

In order to effectively introduce and establish boundaries, it is essential to comprehend the significance of each boundary for you personally and to recognize how they will contribute to your emotional well-being.

Baker suggests taking the time to adopt a detective mindset towards your own psychology. Many times, individuals encounter discomforting situations without fully understanding the reasons behind it. In order to establish healthy boundaries in any scenario, the initial step involves investing time in examining the occurrences impacting you.

2. Start with a few boundaries

If you currently have few boundaries, the idea of creating more boundaries may appear overwhelming. Therefore, it is advisable to gradually establish them. This approach enables you to proceed at a comfortable pace and gives you the opportunity to reflect on whether you are going in the right direction or if adjustments need to be made.

3. Consider setting boundaries early on

According to Dr. Quinn-Cirillo, establishing boundaries in pre-existing relationships can be challenging. However, it is much easier to deal with if boundaries are set right from the start. By defining boundaries and expectations early on, individuals have a clear understanding of their position, which can help minimize feelings of hurt, confusion, and frustration.

4. Try to be consistent with your boundaries

If you allow boundaries to become flexible, it can result in confusion and promote the development of new expectations and demands among the people in your environment. Maintaining consistency and stability is advised. This serves to strengthen your initial limits and principles, while guaranteeing the clear establishment of those boundaries.

5. Carve out time for yourself

According to Dr. Quinn-Cirillo, the boundaries differ based on the relationship type. Nevertheless, if it is beneficial for you, there is no harm in establishing a few fundamental boundaries that can be adjusted as needed. It is worth considering setting aside one or two hours of personal time every weekend. This boundary can be applicable regardless of whether you cohabit with a partner, have a hectic social agenda with friends, or share a close bond with your family.

6. Don’t be afraid to include extra boundaries

Boundaries are already established in certain areas of our lives, such as the workplace. However, these should be viewed as the bare minimum. Colleagues may also have their own boundaries, and it is acceptable for you to establish your own as well. This could potentially improve your performance, as evidenced by Austrian researchers who discovered that individuals who implemented personal workplace boundaries felt a greater sense of empowerment.

7. Practice saying no 

Learning to say no is an essential aspect of setting boundaries. To cultivate this habit, it can be helpful to practice with close friends or family members. Inform them about your goal to say no more frequently and request their support in putting you in situations where saying no is necessary.

When it comes to setting boundaries, you might find it easier to decline requests from the people you’re practicing with rather than employers or individuals in your personal life who you genuinely need to establish limits with. Additionally, the people you’re practicing with can offer you support and motivation.

8. Be consistent and create consequences if boundaries are ignored 

After you have begun establishing boundaries, it is crucial to adhere to them. If you retract these boundaries, there is a chance that others will not view them as credible when you attempt to establish them again later on. For individuals in your personal life who disregard your boundaries, inform them that there are repercussions, such as temporarily separating from each other.

9. Practice direct communication

When establishing boundaries, it is important to communicate in a clear and concise manner. It can be helpful to rehearse your message beforehand, enabling you to express yourself confidently. Additionally, ensure that you address the individuals involved directly.

It is essential for me to emphasize the significance of these boundaries and establish that they are largely non-negotiable. For individuals who frequently overapologize, it would be beneficial to rehearse the intended message while intentionally omitting the word “sorry.”

10. Remember that boundaries evolve and change 

While it is important to establish upfront that your boundaries are currently set, do not hesitate to modify them later. However, ensure that any adjustments made are on your own terms. Given the significance of your boundaries to you, you should be the sole authority in making any changes. It is perfectly acceptable if you decide to alter them in the future.

11. Practice self-love and engage in activities you enjoy

According to Baker, in order for boundaries to be well-established, it is necessary to demonstrate some self-love. If you have a belief that you are worthless and undeserving, it will be challenging to establish protective boundaries. Your self-worth and self-value play a significant role in this process.

According to Baker, it is easy to begin developing this mindset. Engaging in activities that release feel-good hormones, such as singing or running, can change your internal dialogue and make you feel more deserving.